- The Evolution of Transcendence | SpringerLink
- Murdered journalist Lyra McKee transcended boundaries with her humanity writes RUTH DUDLEY EDWARDS
- Philosophical reflections on life, death, and the meaning of life
- Beyond breadwinning: Ghanaian transnational fathering in the Netherlands
I believe that when we're fully able to grasp why our parents or anybody else did things that harmed us, that our native ability to experience compassion for all human suffering can empower us to let go of self-righteous feelings of anger and resentment which impede our personal evolution. We need to comprehend that our hurts and wrongs were not done to us deliberately, but rather derived from others' not knowing how to heal their own wounds in a healthier manner.
And this understanding can then liberate us from negative feelings that may be continuing to keep us stuck in our lives. As many writers have pointed out before me, proclaiming ourselves a victim, however justified, isn't really very helpful in enabling us to live a life we can truly be proud of. At first, you may have trouble convincing yourself that your parents were actually doing the best they could.
But the more you're able to emotionally identify with their own troubles and torments, the more you'll discover how, given their struggles--and their limited resources to cope with them--they really couldn't have done any better.
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In a sense, they were simply destined to make a "royal mess" of things. And hopefully, with this new awareness and understanding, you'll find within yourself a depth of compassion that can help you put into perspective your own pain. As I said at the outset, forgiveness is a stance that implies a certain condescension, maybe even a little disdain as in, "I deign to forgive you. But if you're able to access the more benevolent, gracious, humane side of your being, and become truly compassionate about the suffering of those who caused you to suffer, you can begin--with humility--to discharge your toxic feelings toward them independent of forgiving them as such.
The Evolution of Transcendence | SpringerLink
Moreover, cultivating such compassion for those who hurt you may help you accept--and move beyond--many of the negative beliefs that their neglect or abuse generated in you. And going through this deeply personal process for it's really a kind of " grief work" can lead to a hard-earned wisdom finally indistinguishable from becoming a more compassionate individual--the kind of person that others might be pleased to call a friend and confidant.
Once "blessed" with such bounteous, high-minded, and heartfelt compassion--which actually subsumes and transcends the process of forgiving--you're free to get on with your life. For it's compassion that makes possible your successfully grieving and letting go of the various injustices you've experienced. And through at last relinquishing the false power of anger, blame, and self-righteousness, you'll finally be free to become who you were meant to be all along.
My mother is dying. I have to go and forgive her. A priest helped me clarify some issues and my older friends gave me advice. I feel that to go and say goodbye from a condescending perspective is something I want to avoid. However, I need to do it. This article has been remarkable and I have been getting the information I need to understand why things were that way.
The information I do not have is how my mother was before she met my father and this is something my 20 year older stepsister seems to be reluctant to share. Looking back the whole thing is depressing despite my understanding.
It does amaze me however that I was able to create an enjoyable and meaningful life for myself as a teenage despite these problems. Clearly I had something extra that I was able to use to pulL me through. There is one important point here though it has not been mentioned. You are continually reminded of your parents shortcomings as a teenager when there are so many other parents you get to witness in action. Personally this was the most unpleasant aspect as your own parents simply do not have that open access to other families you have as a friend of other teeenagers.
Luckily some of them were very kind to me - they could see the problem. This is a superb article- hits the spot nicely. From a Buddhist perspective, Forgiveness allows you to transcend self. From a Christian perspective, Forgiveness allows you to be like God. Forgive does not feel natural at first, but when you meditate deeper, nothing can be more natural. I wholeheartedly agree with the perspective you offer.
Glad someone else think the same way I do. I find that honoring boundaries, learning to communicate,and practicing mindful awareness and compassion are infinitely more productive then forgiveness. I have no strong challenge toward the Buddhist tradition, certainly. You say "As many writers have pointed out before me, proclaiming ourselves a victim, however justified, isn't really very helpful in enabling us to live a life we can truly be proud of. Obviously forgiveness is the answer, but only after the truth is available to the victim.
When you have been deeply hurt it takes awhile to work through all the emotions and come to a compassionate view. One of the hardest things for me was feeling pressured to forgive when I was still struggling in the anger phase, or the deep depression phase. Forgiveness is a process. From the moment of the event you can be determined to forgive, but it might be years until you reach that point. The person working through the process of forgiveness deserves compassion and acceptance of where they are in the process.
Most of all, their deserve their own compassion.
Murdered journalist Lyra McKee transcended boundaries with her humanity writes RUTH DUDLEY EDWARDS
Thank you for this compassionate comment. Your point is certainly valid and I'm glad that you added it to this section.
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In later life my Dad had said that some people seem to do just fine after being sexually abused. I hadn't known he knew. They use "the did the best they could if I bring up anything or tell me I am mis-remembering. I have put things into compassionate perspective and mentioning an event does not mean I do not understand nor see good events, too. Family members are still abusive to me scapegoat and do not treat each other well. So, as I learned to be with my father, I am mostly silentand responsive in listening. I sometimes watch them erect a false image of me but I do not bow to it.
I still can be triggered but some triggers are outdated, and that is good to see and makes me feel hopeful. I appreciate fiends and professionals that are out of that quagmire that do not view me as crazy, stupid, lesser, wrong in behaviors and ways - some having a portion of past validity, some fabricated o projections. I got ill recently from too much time with them and allowing myself to be put into the position of too many triggers.
Philosophical reflections on life, death, and the meaning of life
I will reduce time in the future. I'd meant the comment others would make, usually before a second sentence was out, meant shut up. Like: My eating disorder began when I was in fourth grade when Dad did this. Reply, usually before explanation given: They did the best they could. I am sure you made mistakes with your son. Leon F.
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Beyond breadwinning: Ghanaian transnational fathering in the Netherlands
Think You Lack Willpower? Here Is Another Possibility. Telling the Story Numbers Can't. Leon F Seltzer Ph. Forgiveness Can Compassion Transcend Forgiveness? Is compassion, finally, more crucial than forgiveness? Ace of spades Submitted by David Petropoulos on August 29, - pm. I think ''understanding'' trumps both compassion and forgiveness. While the United States remains the only OECD country that doesn't require businesses to provide paid maternity leave, companies with over 50 employees must offer 12 weeks unpaid.
Some states and private companies have supplemented this with their own policies on family leave, with some extending the benefits to fathers. That's not to say that offering paternity leave will singlehandedly change gender roles in parenting. When maternity leave is offered, it's almost always utilized, but in the few companies offering paternity leave, many fathers waive those benefits. For companies particularly keen on combating this stigma, a solution has presented itself in mandated paternity leave.
In the case of traditional firms, like the one he worked at when his second child was born, Walsh supports the growing trend of mandated paternity leave. Part of this comes from his belief in the mechanics of the free market. Luckily, stigma does not have to be fought with force. Instead, some high-profile fathers — from Prince Harry to the CEO of Toms Shoes — are trying to normalize fathers' more active role in child care by making a point of using their paternity leave benefits. She also suggests employers focus on helping parents re-enter their jobs after leave, such as with the option for a part-time schedule.